In the past I used to think that since I knew
what it felt like to experience the the loss of
security, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a friendship, the loss of personal safety, the loss of a pet, the loss of direction that I knew what another was experiencing in those situations. Yet, you can not transfer any knowledge that you acquired throughout your life onto another’s situation. For peering into another’s eyes or standing in another’s presence you would never know the disfunction, the abuse, the violations, the fear, the sorrows, the desires, the joys, the bliss, the beauty that they have lived through up until that moment. By believing your assumptions about the other person you are only creating a lie, as you are basing your perceptions of off the life story you have lived, not the one they have lived.
The next time you want to say to another “I know what you are feeling’, stop and reflect for there is no way that you could possibly know what they are experiencing, for you have not lived through or carried their past with you up to that moment. Instead of trying to instil words of wisdom upon them try “I am sorry. I know how hard it was for me in this situation, but I do not know what you are experiencing. How are you?” Why not allow the person to have the opportunity to share their story with you, versus you telling them how you see their life.
Compassion and understanding another from their point of view or story are some of the most important stances we can take when dealing with others. For every time we deal with another we do not know which of their past experiential ghosts are carrying them to that moment.